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Wednesday, September 06, 2006

If the Glidden guy loves Ralph Lauren so much...

Now it makes sense.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Home Depot in Eagan to have some paint mixed so I could finally finish painting my family room. I painted one wall a deep, lush ruby color a long time ago and couldn't ever quite settle on a color for the other walls. The red was too much for the entire room, and the greens toward which I was leaning seemed risky. (Like it matters. If it doesn't work, I paint over it. Who cares?)

I'd landed on a Ralph Lauren color called Mexican Feather Grass. Fancy, eh? It's just a very light dusty sage color. Problem: I can't stand Ralph Lauren paint. I used it in the plex in the kitchen and living room because I like the colors RL offers - but it's like painting with milk. It drips everywhere, and dries with drips you didn't see were there because they weren't there while you were standing in front of them, painting. Milk. It worked horribly in my kitchen in the plex, so I went to Home Depot and asked at the paint counter what to do about the mysterious stains seeping through the dark green paint. The paint guy said something like "Oh, yeah, Ralph Lauren paint does that. Let's mix the same color in Behr, and that should cover it." They can do that? They can do that!

So, I I went to the Eagan H.D. paint counter ask for help with this. The guy in the orange apron was busy, so a guy in Glidden Gear asked me what I needed. I said I wanted Mexican Feather Grass mixed as Behr paint. Enjoy the conversation:

Glidden Gear Guy: We can't do that.
Me: Why not?
GGG: This is Ralph Lauren paint.
Me: Yes, I know. They have great colors, but I hate their paint.
GGG: When's the last time you used it?
Me: A few years ago.
GGG: It's changed a lot since then.
Me: I don't want Ralph Lauren paint. I want Behr.
GGG: There's nothing wrong with Glidden.
Me: Glidden would be fine. Anything but Ralph Lauren.
GGG: We can't do that.
Me: I've had it done before.
GGG: [stares at me]
ME: At Home Depot. I had a Ralph Lauren color mixed as Behr because I had used the Ralph Lauren first, and I hated it.
GGG: Ralph Lauren has changed a lot.
Me: I don't care. I don't want it. Do I have to go somewhere else to have this mixed, or are you going to do it for me?
GGG: I'll tell you what. I'm going to be a really nice guy today. I'll give you a free gallon of Ralph Lauren, and then you can try it.
Me: And then I'll have used a gallon of paint I don't like and I will have to paint my walls again with paint I do like. Are you going to mix this for me, or do I have to go somewhere else?
GGG: [stares at me]
Me: Fine, I'll go elsewhere.

I took my paint chip and walked away. The woman waiting for assistance on the other side of the counter was trying not to grin. I choose to believe it was a "that guy's being a dick" grin.

Enter the St. Louis Park Home Depot, two days later. I had this conversation:

Me: Can you mix this Ralph Lauren color for me as Behr paint?
Ann: Oh, sure. How much do you want?

Later, when I picked it up:
Me: Hey, thanks for mixing this for me.
Ann: No problem. Ralph Lauren is better than it used to be, but it still sucks to paint with.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you edit your conversation with the Glidden guy? Because I am sure if I had that conversation, there would be a lot of foul language being used, and a call to the police.

September 07, 2006 7:19 AM  
Blogger PTW said...

There was a lot of foul language in my head, but no, the conversation happened just like I wrote it. I almost said "What the fuck...?" when he suddenly switched to "There's nothing wrong with Glidden." But that was as close as I got.

What a dick. Can the police charge someone with being a dick?

September 07, 2006 9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"What a dick. Can the police charge someone with being a dick?"

Sure they can, especially if he is hanging out in public for all to see ;)

September 11, 2006 5:57 AM  

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