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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Not A Clue

I would have thought the vast majority of American women would have gotten one by now. A clue, that is. About how being a Bunny (or a Bunny WannaBe) isn't just the pinnacle experience of being female. I’m pretty sure if you’re a woman and you’re wearing a Playboy Bunny visor, you've completely missed the clue ferry, and you probably don't know who Gloria Steinem is or that the 21st century is actually upon us. (Not to mention...a visor? Is this 1976?)

Eryn and I were coming home after buying a new washing machine for the rental house in Apple Valley (we already did buy one, in fact, but Warner Stellian - also in Apple Valley - screwed us by losing the order to install, so we told them to bug off and got one from Maytag, where they told me they could install it same-day. Slightly more $ but I bet they don't lose the order.) Anyway. We were almost home when I noticed that the woman driving the convertible Sebring behind us was wearing a black visor with a white Playboy Bunny insignia on it. Gag...

So, I am now sitting at the Playboy site (I'm at home, Eryn's asleep, I can go there if I feel like it), and there's an amazing array of crap you can buy from Hef's store. I went just to figure out if the visors are actually targeted at women, but I found so much more! Sebring Woman must have found her treasure somewhere else, because just sells a hat version, but look what else can be had!

Not your style? Well, then you can advertise your expertise to the ladies in this shirt:

The biggest selling point (apart from the fact that this item is listed in the Clearance section) is its description: "PLAYBOY Talent Scout Tee - Black/What Print
Baby, I can make you a star! Wearing this black tee might not convince the ladies that you have that kind of clout with Hef, but it will let them know you have a sense of humor and keen eye for beauty."

I don't know what color "What" is, but I bet it works just like Rhino horn powder in a margarita.

The "For Him" section also offers a bunny money clip. Hurry! Father's Day is this Sunday!

The best offerings in the "For Her" section are a Fuzzy Bunny shirt, Bunny Head and Wrist Sweat Bands, a Bunny Cell Phone Cover (just call her and discreetly mention you're a Key Holder!), and a Property of Playboy half-shirt. That one's my favorite, really, as it ought to make any woman with any sense choke on her own vomit, AND because it's just perfect that it's only half a shirt.

Incidentally, all the links are safe for work. I'd have included one of the lovely jackets, but amazingly, they must be worn without a shirt underneath and with the zippers open. Go figure.


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