The Boston Patriots are Awesome

Neighbor Kid: Do you like the Patriots?
Other Neighbor Kid: Huh?
NK: The football team.
ONK: Huh?
NK: You know, the Boston Patriots.
ONK: They're from New England.
NK: Yeah, New England is in Boston. They're, like, awesome.

Inside Joke

Where's the "Shopping-Obsessed, Bossy, Neurotic Sex Toy" Label?

I've been clothing shopping for Eryn. She's so big, usually the only shirts I can find to fit her are in the girls' department (as opposed to the little girls' department), so I have trouble finding things that are appropriate for my three-year-old. In Target, shirts have sayings on them like "Born to Shop!" and "I want it, you buy it, end of conversation" (or something like that). I once found a shirt I thought was cute and appropriate, but the tag proclaimed the brand name was "Anxiety." WTF? At least half the girls' wear has "Princess" written all over it. If I'm going to buy her that crap, I might as well get her a padded bra to go with it.

Penney's was no better. Princess, Shopping Queen, butterflies with princess crowns, plummeting necklines. Ack.

Last Place! Last Place!

The 4th Annual Chili Fest was last night. We have placed each year - something like 3rd, 2nd, 3rd, or 2nd, 3rd, 2nd - I can't remember which. This year, my chili was going to be a real contender. I was pleased when my own creation turned out way yummy - a nice blend of hot (jalapenos, pureed anchos, thai chili paste, Penzey's Medium Hot Chili Powder) and a little sweetness (thai chili paste and molasses). The tequila brought it together well. I followed the online advice of champion chili makers and made the batch I was going to enter the day before, then reheated it in a crockpot to take to Brad's house. I'd reheated a small amount for Scooter, just on the stovetop, and he said it was great. Imagine my disappointment, then, when I was sharing some with Eryn shortly after arriving at Chili Fest 2006 and discovered the really, really sharp taste that had developed. It was little better than meat soaked in tequila. I wanted to blame the malfunctioning crockpot (one of the legs melted up into the bottom of the outer part of the crockpot, leading to the block of wood balancing the whole thing, and the name "2X4 Chili"). Alas, I think it was more likely that, as the alcohol cooked off, it condensed on the inside of the cover of the crock, and then simply worked its way back into the chili. Live, cook, learn. I don't know who ranked my chili best, but it must've been someone who really really likes tequila.

I imagine Scooter will blog other aspects of the evening, where he will describe how Eryn ended her evening.

My First Wiki

I couldn't help myself. I was explaining to someone what a body memory is, and when I went to send a link to Wikipedia's definition as an addendum to my explanation, I found it so lacking that I added to it. I didn't change the sucky stuff, just added a new category ("Clinician Use") and called it good.

I am a dork. Sue me.

If the Glidden guy loves Ralph Lauren so much...

Now it makes sense.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Home Depot in Eagan to have some paint mixed so I could finally finish painting my family room. I painted one wall a deep, lush ruby color a long time ago and couldn't ever quite settle on a color for the other walls. The red was too much for the entire room, and the greens toward which I was leaning seemed risky. (Like it matters. If it doesn't work, I paint over it. Who cares?)

I'd landed on a Ralph Lauren color called Mexican Feather Grass. Fancy, eh? It's just a very light dusty sage color. Problem: I can't stand Ralph Lauren paint. I used it in the plex in the kitchen and living room because I like the colors RL offers - but it's like painting with milk. It drips everywhere, and dries with drips you didn't see were there because they weren't there while you were standing in front of them, painting. Milk. It worked horribly in my kitchen in the plex, so I went to Home Depot and asked at the paint counter what to do about the mysterious stains seeping through the dark green paint. The paint guy said something like "Oh, yeah, Ralph Lauren paint does that. Let's mix the same color in Behr, and that should cover it." They can do that? They can do that!

So, I I went to the Eagan H.D. paint counter ask for help with this. The guy in the orange apron was busy, so a guy in Glidden Gear asked me what I needed. I said I wanted Mexican Feather Grass mixed as Behr paint. Enjoy the conversation:

Glidden Gear Guy: We can't do that.
Me: Why not?
GGG: This is Ralph Lauren paint.
Me: Yes, I know. They have great colors, but I hate their paint.
GGG: When's the last time you used it?
Me: A few years ago.
GGG: It's changed a lot since then.
Me: I don't want Ralph Lauren paint. I want Behr.
GGG: There's nothing wrong with Glidden.
Me: Glidden would be fine. Anything but Ralph Lauren.
GGG: We can't do that.
Me: I've had it done before.
GGG: [stares at me]
ME: At Home Depot. I had a Ralph Lauren color mixed as Behr because I had used the Ralph Lauren first, and I hated it.
GGG: Ralph Lauren has changed a lot.
Me: I don't care. I don't want it. Do I have to go somewhere else to have this mixed, or are you going to do it for me?
GGG: I'll tell you what. I'm going to be a really nice guy today. I'll give you a free gallon of Ralph Lauren, and then you can try it.
Me: And then I'll have used a gallon of paint I don't like and I will have to paint my walls again with paint I do like. Are you going to mix this for me, or do I have to go somewhere else?
GGG: [stares at me]
Me: Fine, I'll go elsewhere.

I took my paint chip and walked away. The woman waiting for assistance on the other side of the counter was trying not to grin. I choose to believe it was a "that guy's being a dick" grin.

Enter the St. Louis Park Home Depot, two days later. I had this conversation:

Me: Can you mix this Ralph Lauren color for me as Behr paint?
Ann: Oh, sure. How much do you want?

Later, when I picked it up:
Me: Hey, thanks for mixing this for me.
Ann: No problem. Ralph Lauren is better than it used to be, but it still sucks to paint with.

Vindication!

Locked Out

When Scooter locked himself and Eryn (complete with messy diaper) out of the car at the lake, did I call him stupid? No. But when I call him from St. Louis Park to tell him I've locked my keys, purse, and phone in the car, what's the first thing he says? "Now who's the stupid one?"

I'm offended.

He locked his key, the diaper bag, his phone, and his wallet in the car when I was at an all-day conference. Okay...he's got servers down and has all sorts of people clamoring for his help and he still had to go get Eryn at the time I called him. And, he has to drive from Eagan to SLP in rush hour. Still, I didn't suggest he was intellectually challenged.

Ah, well. At least the Caribnou/Bruegger's combo near the building I was in has free wifi. I feel like a schmuck because, without my purse, I cannot purchase anything from either establishment. Maybe I have to get Scooter to spend some money when he gets here.