See? Told you I heard jackboots.

God, I hate Clear Channel.

I am just reposting from Mean Mr. Mustard so that my friends and family see this atrocity, so I'll link to him here. Go ahead, click it. Hope you haven't eaten anything spicy recently.

Jesus Don't Play That

If you want to know how to P-shift (change your physical form into some other physical form--say, a muskrat), this guy can explain how to do just that. Here's a hint: one can achieve such a transformation only through prayer and Jesus Christ. But you only get one shot: Jesus don't take kindly to people shifting from muskrat to wombat to tree slug all willy-nilly.

Scooter found this. Thanks for adding to the quality of all our lives!

Hell yes!

Sweet! I'm too drunk most of the time to go outside and shoot at animals, and now I don't have to go into a 12-Step program to get out and kill me some deer (or wild hog, blackbuck antelope, sheep!!, or North African barbary sheep)! I can't possibly accidentally shoot my child because she looks so much like one of them critters--BONUS!

They'll even take care of the messy stuff for me! Why in the hell didn't anybody make it this easy and impersonal for me to kill shit before this?

Damn it, the next hunt is scheduled for the first weekend at BIR.

Always wondered what Meatwad was saying

My name is....

Shake-zula,
the mic rulah,
the old schoolah
you wanna trip, I'll bring it to ya.

Frylock and I'm on top rock you like a cop
Meatwad you're up next with your knock-knock....

Meatwad make the money see,
Meatwad get the honeys G
Drivin in my car, livin' like a star
Ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus.

Cause we are the Aqua Teens.
Make the homeys say ho
and the girlies wanna scream.
Cause we are the Aqua Teens.
Make the homeys say ho
and the girlies wanna scream.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force
number one in the hood, G

...lyrics by Schoolly D

Not Everyone's a Jerk

So I actually hauled Eryn off to stand in line (we were, perhaps, 1,000 people back, as I was willing to stand there at 7:40, but not before) at Target this morning and got my hands on the Cities 97 Sampler Volume 16.

When Eryn needed me to carry her after 10 minutes in line, the woman in front of us pushed Eryn’s stroller for me. She and the woman behind me kept Eryn’s fingers warm when it became obvious she wouldn’t leave her gloves on. Cool.

Four More Years

It's three days after the election, and I'm still reeling. I've been reading political blogs, reading the meltdowns of like-minded people, and that's not helping.

Fuck this. It stinks. I'm frightened that 51% of the people who voted chose Bush. Truly, terribly frightened. I haven't figured out what it means that so many voted for him, though I've read others' theories about fear, hatred, stupidity, and closed-mindedness.

There is one bright spot that I want to remember, though: 49% voted for Kerry. Yes, it's a minority, but it's still a huge chunk of the U.S. that doesn't buy Bush's bullshit and doesn't think it's all about what's best for them over everybody else all the time. Jeff Culver's blended red-and-blue map of the vote, posted originally at Boing Boing Blog, demonstrates this well:




Only a few states are truly red, and there's a whole mess o' purple on that map. That's vaguely heartening.

However, I am not yet feeling very PC, so I will also share the map that best suits my mood and my take on the election results. This is from Mean Mr. Mustard's friend Jim (you'll have to ask MMM who Jim is):



Funny. You know, scary-funny.

Be afraid.

Be very afraid.