The Brown Bunny
Scooter's first comment, once we realized the main character (played by the director, Vincent Gallo, of Buffalo 66, which was a GOOD film) was going to do a rather large amount of driving, was that perhaps this was the "flip side" of Fat Girl, (thanks, LissyJo) the French film about driving, teenage sex ("it doesn't count if it's in the butt") and murder. That is, perhaps Brown Bunny is the story from the killer's point of view: he drives around a lot, and then kills some people at a rest stop. Alas, it was worse than that.
Bud Clay, a competitive road bike racer (a losing one), embarks on a cross-country journey to lose another lame race on his souped-up crotch rocket, and hooks up with women named after flowers along the way while he's really searching for Daisy, his real love. I'm not spoilering this, because if after I have told you it's a -98 on a 1-10 point scale, you still watch it, it's your own bloody fault. Daisy's actually dead, having choked to death on her own vomit after being raped while unconscious at some party while drunk and high (while pregnant with Bud's child). Being dead, however, doesn't stop her from engaging in a prolonged session of oral sex with Bud (her on him) in a freakishly brightly lit hotel room and then whinging a lot, (but only slightly less than he does). This was and hour and ten minutes of driving and making out with skanky women named after flora, and twenty minutes of porn. Yes, porn. There's no question Cloe Sevigny was actually [ahem] engaged with Vincent gallo.
Daisy's mom doesn't know why she never calls her anymore, but she continues to take care of her brown bunny. Yah, f*ing deep.
Why only -98? Let's see. Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter (see above) was worse: it gets a -99. Of course, it had Christ Kung Fu and singing (!), so maybe I ought to reverse those ratings. There's got to be something worse out there. Scooter also said he'd have more fun hitting himself with a stick than I would watching The Cave on DVD, so it must have been pretty bad, too. I know he's still cranky about it.
Scooter's post. I'll go read it now...bet he says similar things?